This Year Has Been A Decade
This year has been a decade.
Memories from this time last year are still sharp, not warm and fuzzy or tainted with nostalgia in the way memories often move, but they still feel old, from a different time. It WAS a different time I suppose, one where we still walked to school and back every day, rain or shine, where most of our days were spent outside, relishing in the gorgeous weather that Northern California usually provides all year round. I marveled at camellias and azaleas, planted my own seeds for my balcony garden, and dreamt of how exciting it would be when my youngest would start preschool later in the year.
Instead we started a year of distance learning, one child moving from Kindergarten to 1st grade, another from preschool to Kindergarten, and the last into preschool, all online. Our teachers have been amazing, scrambling together right after spring break and doing what they could to ensure our kids were still getting something of an education. And then when we went back in September with full-time distance learning, providing a full day of class every day, engaging the kids as much as they can, trying as hard as they can to ensure nobody falls behind.
We have a vaccine now, and the numbers have finally fallen to a pre winter surge level (thankfully), and there is a light shining from an opening in the not so distant future. I have no idea when I will be vaccinated, or the kids, and until then we will be staying as safe as we can, but Cesar is now eligible, although getting him an appointment required constant checking of websites until we finally found an opening. He is the one who has been hustling all year, losing the job he loved so much because they couldn’t stay open, and finding other jobs, losing them again when they inevitably closed, and yet again finding new jobs. And that hustling, making food for others, involves a lot of being in close proximity with other people who are also hustling to make ends meet, pay rent, put food on the table… We have had a few Covid scares, but luckily we have not been hurt directly by the illness itself, just by the general ravages that the pandemic has caused around us, to so many of us.
The world hasn’t really changed but the selfishness and the greed around us all have definitely bared their teeth again and again, chomping at anything they can reach, deep inequities have just revealed themselves to be even deeper; despair and state-sanctioned violence have lead to public unrest, and reforms that are just bandaids, and so much more work to do, despite a new government who has already reverted back to using old tactics. The world really hasn’t changed, but I hope that many people have, for the better. Spring does still bring me hope, every year, despite everything.
In a month’s time my children may actually return to school in person for the first time in over a year, and I may actually sit in silence again for an hour here and there, breathing slowly, appreciating the really little things that go unnoticed when every day becomes the same, days rolling into weeks, into months, into a year. I want everyone to be safe from the virus more than I want the old times of 2019 back, because those times are long gone anyway. We won’t have a new normal, but a revolving normal, where we listen to those around us, take a good hard look at ourselves and our actions, and consistently strive to be better human beings, more caring, more vocal, humans who work together to ensure everyone has the same chances.
I’m so lucky to have weathered this time with the person I have known to be my soul mate since day 1, and our wonderful, crazy, determined, rambunctious, smart, and sensitive kids. Maybe this year will be the year that we can actually have a real vacation by the ocean? Although I’m not making plans like that anymore, not until we have reached herd immunity and beyond. I am just making plans that I can do from home, like going back to school, growing plants, and expanding my repertoire of vegan recipes.
This past year really has been a decade.
I’ve only just started feeling inspired to write again, and hopefully will be writing more essays again in the near future. I have kept a very detailed journal of the past year though, and at some point will feel inspired to write more about it, maybe when nostalgia takes over and tints everything in a softer, pastelized hue.