You Exist Too Much - Zaina Arafat
Sometimes I read a book and I rush to write a review, other times I have to let the story sink in before I feel ready to write down my thoughts. You Exist Too Much by Zaina Arafat was one of the latter, and I have found myself thinking about it more after finishing than I did while reading. This book reads more like a memoir than a novel, content, style, and structure wise, and personally I became more invested once I decided to read it as a memoir rather than a novel.
The book follows the thoughts of one main, unnamed, protagonist: a Palestinian-American woman navigating her way through life. She has a fraught relationship with a mother who seems to be quite emotionally abusive. She also seems to have some difficulty accepting her bisexuality, although that seems to stem more from her mother’s disapproval rather than her own personal feelings. She has relationships with men and women, on whom she cheats, both physically and emotionally, and we follow her as she checks into rehab for sex addiction, and through the aftermath of that stay. The story jumps back and forth abruptly between the present, and snippets of the past: summers spent in Palestine with family, moments in past relationships, scenes with her mother… In a way the plot often reads like a stream of consciousness, a type of modern coming of age that discusses family, roots, love, and choices in a very open, and relatable way.
Zaina Arafat writes really beautifully, and the narrative flows well, even if the time hops are quite abrupt at times. I personally enjoyed watching the narrator’s self-awareness grow, and seeing how she dealt with it.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the advance copy in exchange for an honest review.