Belabored - Lyz Lenz
In Belabored Lyz Lenz takes us on a journey from conception to the fourth trimester, analyzing what it means to be a woman, to be pregnant, and to be a mother in our society. This is not a pregnancy help guide, but it’s a book that every first time parent should read: it’s an honest overview of what it is like to conceive, to be pregnant, and to deliver in the US today. And it’s also not just a book for pregnant people either, it’s for everyone to read. Lyz Lenz uses a mix of historical facts and examples, her own personal experiences, as well as some current facts and examples to illustrate just how difficult it is to be a woman, and to be a mother in our society. We live in a society where we are never going to be good enough, based on arbitrary goddess woman pedestals erected by white men. Having personally birthed three children in this country I related to many areas evoked by the author: to the fears, the worries, the trauma, and the overall feeling of constantly failing to meet expectations that nobody ever really meets anyway.
So much research went into Belabored, from the historical and biblical stories that the author details for us, to the modern day medical racism and lack of care for pregnant and postpartum women in general. The overall theme being that as pregnant people and then mothers we rarely are allowed to own our own bodies, constantly having to claw back pieces of ourselves for ourselves; constantly having to explain why we are this way and that and not doing this and that.
For a long time I felt so guilty that I hadn’t been more vocal during the delivery of my first child. The way I was treated, both during labor and delivery, and afterwards was abysmal. And then after I had my second child when the hospital clerk asked loudly why I wasn’t married (this was in NYC in 2015!!), and then gave me a look full of pity and told me it was ok not to put the father’s name on the birth certificate if he wasn’t interested in signing the form (um wtf we were and are still very much together thanks very much, we just don’t feel the need to be married!!). And that is just the tip of the iceberg. I will tell my stories another day. Let’s just say that what the author describes in Belabored is more common than what you are going to read in What To Expect, and also provides a great overview on how important it is for us to fight for our right to autonomy of our bodies and ourselves in general.
As a side note I loved that Lyz Lenz details her visit to Tara Westover’s family home in Idaho - Educated was one of my top 10 reads of 2018, and it was interesting to see an outsider’s take on the family dynamics and beliefs.
Highly recommended read, especially for those looking for more insight on what it means to be pregnant in this country, and how hard you may have to fight for your rights on any given day, especially if you aren’t white, wealthy, and weigh 120 pounds.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.