Last night I was lying in bed with the lights out, listening
to Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds No More
Shall We Part, ready to drift off to sleep when I was suddenly transported
back to 2001. Same music, same position, probably even facing the same
direction, but thousands of miles apart, in a different country and a different
time. It was such a weird feeling, being in two places, two times, all at once,
showing me that some things just never really change…
2012 has been an interesting, strange, ultimately good,
sometimes bad year, with moments of pure sadness and happiness, moments that I
would love to relive and moments I would rather bury deep in the ground and
forget forever. Some missteps, many bounds forward, quite a few stumbles and
some big tumbles. I feel like I was very diligent in my writing during the
first six months of the year, but let it drop to the background due to procrastination,
a loss of inspiration and confidence during the last quarter. Although I do
find that what I wrote over the summer and the autumn is better than anything I
wrote last year. Some of it I am ready to show to others and already have done,
other pieces will remain unread by anyone other than myself for a while. I have
several different projects in the pipeline for 2013, but they will remain in my
head until I feel ready enough to fully complete them. I feel that I have
failed in certain ways this year and don’t want these new projects to follow
the same trajectory.
As with my writing, I started 2012 off with many photography
projects, and since August haven’t really picked up my camera, let alone taken
it out on a tour anywhere. I feel I made great steps forward when I finally
managed to fully use the manual settings on my DSLR properly and start
experimenting with different shots, but then lost all inspiration again. I took
some film, remembered how much I absolutely adored black and white prints, and
then lost interest again. I already have different plans for the New Year, and
a new lens that will be arriving shortly that will hopefully help mimic my film
prints on my DSLR. I am also intent on buying the Fuji camera that I have
wanted for over a year now, once I finally save up for it properly. That won’t
come until after my holiday in Jamaica though!
This time last year I was completely broke, trying (and
failing) to make ends meet and trying to figure out what I actually really
wanted to do with myself. Everything sorted itself out brilliantly after
several stints working in different places, as I now work at my old job as well
as in a restaurant right next door, and feel happy to be at both places. At
least now I am financially stable again, although I still need to find a
balance between work that pays the rent and everything else I want to do. I
need to go back to writing at least 5,000 words a week, instead of less than
1,000. Finish more books again instead of tiring of them after 100 pages.
Spending more time at home and being productive rather than on Orchard St
getting myself into trouble. Finding my focus again this week after letting it
go astray for months has been a complete blessing. Now it’s time to rein it in and wrap it around
myself again, never to let it off its leash again.
Friendships come and go over time, but this year has seen
the definite end of some and the beginning of others. The sadness from seeing
some friends disappear is more than cancelled out by the blossoming of other
amazing friendships. In my opinion friendship is never a one way road, it takes
time, work, give and take on both sides, and while some people will surprise
you with their consistency and love, others disappoint you with their
willingness to give up in front of a hurdle that seems a little bit too high to
step over. There are times that you need to take a leap to be rewarded, so if
you never take it, how on earth are you ever going to really feel happy? Friendships
that end are never a one-sided problem, they come from both sides, there aren’t
any real right or wrongs, just not enough effort put in and probably not enough
love to see it through to the other side. And, in a way, that’s OK. Time goes
by, and others are always there, not to replace anyone, because one friend can
never replace another, but just to take part of the love that you can no longer
give to those who are just not around anymore. I feel like this year I have met
some absolutely wonderful people who I can’t imagine my life without anymore.
People who make you laugh and who care about you, who motivate you and who have
the guts to tell you (kindly) when you are making a mess of things, and vice
versa. I cherish these new friendships as much as I cherish the old friendships
that are still going strong.
I’m not very good at summing up an entire year in a few
words, especially not the last one, and some things are just too personal to
post on here. Instead I will just post a few links to blog posts that I feel
highlighted certain aspects of it, ups and downs, and leave it at that.
Words:
Photography:
And as I can never write a post without some kind of music
reference, I will just post a link to a playlist I made for this year. All of
the songs except for one were released during the year and all come from albums
that helped me get through this year in one piece.
Happy New Year! May 2013 be rich in happiness and
productivity!
