I'm going to preface this by saying the following: I am NOT saying that Hurricane Irene was a non-event, or not assuming that a lot of damage occurred and people were hurt. Nobody wants to wish any type of devastation on anyone.

However, Irene was a little bit of a disappointment to a lot of New Yorkers. There we were bracing for a hurricane to hit is full blast, and it didn't really happen. A lot of heavy rain and wind, but that was it really. Maybe the media blew it up, or maybe Mother Nature decided to spare us this time... We will never know, but I do know now, that if we ever have a situation like this again, the city is more than prepared to handle it.
We were all stocked up with food, batteries, candles, water and books, but in the end we didn't really need it. I now have enough ziplock bags with ice cubes to last me a long time!
I have a strange attraction to violent weather, and I know I am not alone in feeling this way. Strong winds resemble what I feel freedom should really feel like... If you get my drift.

And referring to freedom, well, I have done something that I have been threatening to do for years. For the past six years my entire life has revolved around one main centre, and I am leaving this centre, for the unknown. I am doing it in a very abrupt, and maybe not very professional fashion, but after a lot of very long thinking sessions, including conversations with those closest to me, it's the only way. It would be too hard for me to say "NO" if I am confronted with a question about my decision, so I chose the silent way out. All I have to say is that I hope that whoever is left with finishing off anything I started doesn't hate me too much, or at least understand why.

I don't think I need explain my actions any further - but I think that this is the only way I can feel free again - and there is only one reason why I was feeling trapped here. It's a huge change and this is going to make a lot of things different moving forward.

I'm excited and completely terrified.

This song used to describe the way I felt every day - now I am making the change:

It's been a few months of many thoughts and ideas, sleepless nights and tossing and turning. And finally, of seemingly impulsive, but actually well thought-out decisions. More about that another time, as the thought of it all is making my stomach churn slightly, and I don't want to put anything in writing until it is done.
Moving back to what I initially wanted to write about... Change. Around this time ten years ago I was waiting to start my MA courses, looking for a thesis idea or 10, loving my apartment, my life, my friends and my teaching/tutoring job. And then 9/11 happened. One day I was going about my daily activities, and the next I was watching 2 planes fly straight into the World Trade Center towers, and subsequently see them fall to the ground, into a cloud of dust, with my own eyes. As we all know this triggered off a set of major events in the world, most of which are still going on today, with no real positive outcome in sight. At the same time my idealist view of the human being was shattered into a million pieces, and I fell into a deep state of despair, culminating into depression that I couldn't run away from.
Ultimately this state of depression lead to a positive outcome, leading me away from the dream-like world I had created for myself, which included blinkers to anything that didn't correspond to my vision of what the world should be, and, finally, culminating into me being able to consolidate my idealism with the real world, and now to move towards using my ideals to maybe make at least some kind of difference. But it was a long road to get here, from that feeling of utter helplessness to one of strength.

And now it's time for another chapter, hopefully it won't take ten years for this one to close.

All that to really say: this week I sat through a 5.8 earthquake on the 40th floor of a high rise in Manhattan, watched (via Al Jazeera) a dictator of 41 years be removed from power (Gaddafi in Libya of course) and am now waiting for Hurricane Irene to pass right over my head sometime tonight or tomorrow morning. If this doesn't say that a change is needed, then I don't know what does!

I shall update on Irene tomorrow (if we still have power), as right now it's just bouts of heavy rain and a little wind.

Of natural disasters and changes in life... Part 2

Of natural disasters and changes in life... Part 1