Ludovic Layne's Fifth Month

This month's album is HERE.

This year has been both incredibly long and terribly short. This time last year I had just publicly announced that I was pregnant again; we had no idea if we were having another girl or a boy this time, and I was hoping if my morning all-day nausea sickness would finally let up in time for Christmas so that I could enjoy dinner. Thanksgiving had been a wash as all I could stomach for 2 months was white bread, Brie, and lettuce! And now this year we have a 5 month old, a big 5 month old, and I couldn’t imagine life without him. It’s not easy having so many children so close together, there are some days when I honestly don’t know what to do first, stuck between one calling me from one direction, one crying to be picked up, and the other asking for something to eat for the 20th time in 5 minutes. I sometimes just stand in the room and wait for my senses to catch up with the sensory explosion that is happening around me, and feel guilty because while they all need me, the littlest, Ludo is the one who needs me the most right now, and I can’t always run to him immediately.

I was always able to pick Luna up as soon as she cried, not that I always did, after three months or so you could tell when she was just cranky or really needed something, and Aurora never really left my side for the first 6 months of her life. But when you add a third to the mix you suddenly realize how much easier it would be if we actually had three arms and legs on bouncy springs. But Ludo, bless him, is such a patient, happy little boy, content to crawl around the apartment, or just hang out in the carrier while I cook, try to clean, write, and play with the girls. He’s happy just hearing me sing “You Are My Sunshine”, or sitting on my lap while discussing the importance of Twilight Sparkle’s next mission with Luna. Nowadays I do think about how nice it will be when Luna is in preschool for a few hours a day, and I am able to focus more on both Aurora and Ludo, before they too are off to school. Sometimes an hour seems to last a day, but once the days turn into weeks, the years fly by and I find myself pulled between grasping on to moments and speeding ahead into the future. This postpartum time has had its ups and downs, not the straighter, more stable upward arrow of the other two. It’s often one step forward, two steps back, and three steps forward again, but more on all of that another time. I’m happy, we are all happy, and that is what matters.

Ludo started crawling a few days after he turned 4 months, one day rocking on his arms and knees, the next launching into a rapid army crawl around the house. Over the last few weeks he has perfected his moves so much that one moment he will be playing with a toy at my feet, the next I am searching the room for him. He has no intention of slowing down, so I have come to terms with that, and hopefully once he can run after his sisters he will chill out for a while! He does love to play with them, watches quietly what they are doing, eyes following their voices around the room. His relationship with Luna is just beautiful, they adore each other so much, and Luna loves to play big sister by entertaining him while I am making dinner. She’s pretty gentle with him too, apart from the few times she decided he needed to roll over right then, and sometimes I tear up when I see them giggling over something together. Aurora has just realized that he isn’t a boring baby anymore, and has started to include him too, although her new thing is to sit on him and pretend he is a horse… He’s pretty happy most of the time, but that’s not his favorite game to play right now (don’t worry she hasn’t hurt him, he’s fine). The difference in age, even if it is only a year between Luna and Aurora, really makes a difference. I think once Aurora’s language skills are more fluid, and Ludo is able to sit up they will have more fun playing with each other. And will probably gang up against Luna who can have a teeny bossy side to her! I often think back to how I tried to pull my sister’s head off when she was a baby and laugh at myself for thinking that we were best friends from day one… Toddlers fight dirty!

Anyway! Ludo is nearly 21lbs and has definitely slowed down on the weight gain now that he is constantly on the move. The 4 month sleep regression hit us pretty hard, but he’s moved through it now, although teething has reared its adorable head. I have just come to terms with the fact that sleep, and a bed where a little child isn’t constantly stuck to me, will not happen for a good few more years. But when it does I will enjoy it so much. I said to Cesar the other day that I don’t dream of diamonds or fast cars or penthouse suites. All I dream of is one night of sleep in a hotel room that I don’t have to clean with room service and all the movies I have wanted to watch over the past year. Or you know, three hours of uninterrupted sleep would be nice too. I know some people have kids who sleep; I actually have one of them so I know they exist, but I also know what it’s like to have kids who don’t sleep. Never sleep. I’m pretty sure I may have been one of the latter too. In any case, at some point they will all learn that sleep really is beautiful.

And now we head into Christmas and then into 2018, and soon Ludo will be 6 months old already and trying his first foods. (Well the first foods we, his parents, will give him – I know that he has tried to eat Christmas tree, was found gnawing on an apple Aurora had discarded on the floor a few seconds before, and I have a feeling that he somehow managed to find chocolate because I found some smeared on his face a few weeks ago… I suppose that’s what happens when you have two older sisters who only eat a bite of anything they ask for!).

I’m so excited to celebrate Ludo’s first Christmas, and our first Christmas in our new home, as a family of five. Wishing you all very Happy Holidays and may 2018 bring happiness and the end of Trump!

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