Happiness is back!

I figured out an agreement with my landlord's attorney. I stayed in one night last week and realised how much I loved my apartment and how much I didn't want to give it up. I've worked soooo fucking hard to give it all up. I really want to kick myself right now for being such an idiot - but as my Mum says, sometimes you really need to hit rock bottom in order to climb back up again. Even work is more manageable and I have so many fun and interesting projects outside of work in the pipeline. Sooo I have an agreement to pay everything off by Jan 31st. I am going to need a second job in order to do this...
I love being busy, I love having multiple things to do. I hate being bored and sitting at home wondering who I should call. I've never been like that and I am not going to start right now. Burning the candle at both ends is my thing - I just need to know when to chill out so that I don't collapse.

Happiness Happiness Happiness!

Can't wait to see Paradox Twin in a bit. It's been too long. And Combat Baby later at the show. No fail evening again I hope! I am so proud of Combat Baby and my mix while DJing at The Skinny last Tuesday - I think it was our best ever. Who's up for a whole night of Motown now??

I'm with the band

Every week I tell myself that I am going to have a week off. I don't mean a week off work, I mean a week off the rest of my life. Every Sunday I go out and get in at 3am at the latest (and that's usually when I start drinking at 8pm - don't even ask what happens if I start drinking later). That sets the tome for the rest of the week. It's as if I can't help myself, no willpower to stop. I need that Stoli on the rocks to get through the work week.
A few weeks ago I felt like I was walking through a haze, trying to dodge stones of my life falling all around me, but getting hit every time because my movements were too slow. I am finally stumbling out of it, hurt, bruised, older and just a little more cynical. But I still can't face myself right now. Oblivion still attracts me. Not being able to remember helps me through the abnormality of my reality. I should get away for a while, try to be something else, but my honesty just won't let me.

I went to see Jess' play last night "Angry Young Women in Low Rise Jeans with High Class Issues" It was excellent, funny, wittyand Jess was awesome. I'm still amazed that she has the guts to stand on stage every night in just a bra and thong and STILL act. I love that girl.

CMJ week is killing me. I haven't actually seen that many bands, but I caught Hannah's band Silver Rockets and my personal favourite New York band of the moment, A Place to Bury Strangers on Thursday. I think I will go to see them again tonight at The Delancey with Bruce's Girl. Then I know without even planning it that I will end up at Motorcity. I vaguly remembering being there last night and then going back to Darkroom (from where I am supposedly barred although not really). Drama drama. I'd much rather just be at Motorcity where the people who matter are real, honest and friendly. I've never experienced first hand drama there.
I also had to DJ on Wednesday night at The Skinny. Twas a lot of fun. As usual I ended up playing eveything and anything, especially as the night wore on... Everyone has a secret goth in them. People were dancing to The Sisters and The Cult without even realising it. Scott and me are doing Halloween night there too and I shall be going as an angel. All in white with a blonde wig. Paradox.

There is no way to go

Calla tomorrow. What more can I say?

I shall miss Paradox Twin. This time there will be no pictures taken in the Annex bathrooms and sent to MH with the text "Your presence is requested at The Annex". I don't think we ever laughed as much as we did the next day when we recalled our antics. RPBitch has nothing on us.

Wednesday night DJing at The Skinny was awesome. I've learnt that even after an hour of sleep I can still stay up all night and have fun. And play goooood music. Can't wait to do it again.

Nobody told you, that I could just waltz through and shake up your style

I kind of outdid myself this week. 3 hours of sleep between Sunday night and Monday night, about 8 hours on Tuesday night, no sleep on Wednesday night and then passed out at 9pm last night. I feel rested today hahaha! So what's going on tonight? ParadoxSister is in town for the weekend so I am assuming a night of barhopping and drinking and dancing. Maybe it's time to do something different? HA!

(Picture Paradox rolling around in hysterics at the idea of not going out drinking, dancing and hanging out with friends)

June's boy is also celebrating his birthday tonight so hopefully we shall be able to help him get immensely trashed so he forgets he's now 30. As long as we all continue to look less than 26 then we're all fine anyway ;)

Wednesday night is a bit of a blur... Paradox Twin and me are goi ng to help promote and book people for Spotlight, an awesome club space in Times Sq. Yes, I know, Times Sq. For someone who thinks Hiro is too far uptown it was like a roadtrip all the way up there. But the space is really really good, the DJ booth and area is amazing and there is so much room. If some of my favourite bands and DJs were performing there I would definitely make the tip up there.
We went there to check the place out and then ended up going to the usual places downtown, The Skinny, Darkroom (was sooo great to see Moreno and Jess and dance.. just like the old-school Wednesday nights apart from the fact that ParadoxSister wasn't there), Motorcity, Darkroom again, Skinny again... Someone gave me tequila instead of vodka and by the time I was drinking it I was too drunk to notice anyway, until I started feeling ANGRY (bad sign). Paradox twin and me did the good thing of leaving the bar and going somewhere else to practice our karate kicks.

The anger did not come from the tequila though. The anger came from seeing one of my friends so fucking upset and wanting to kick the person who made her that upset. If someone hurts your friend you stick up for them no matter what right? You don't just hide and say "I don't want to get involved". Selfish pieces of shit.

And you - the one who gives me withering looks when no one is looking: I specialise in those looks and yours are far from perfect. Seriously - don't mess with me. I don't give a shit about you or your drama and am actually happy to ignore you, so don't keep trying to make me want to kick you.

I feel better now :)

The Placebo Effect.

I think I got a sunburn... We made it to the beach today and could hear thunder in the distance, the lifeguards wouldn't let anyone in the ocean, but the sun was still shining. Then, 3 hours later, we knew it was going to rain so we cam back home. I'm full of sand and huge welts on my legs from the mosquitoes that seem to love my blood. I mean HUGE welts. DEFORMED welts. Even the mosquitoes in India weren't this bad!!

Last week was great, especially because Petite Fee was here. Went out every night, ate Ethiopian with L the L, saw The Sugar Report (great as usual), drank way too much, even had a night out with only a couple of drinks, ended up in Williamsburg introducing myself to people in a random deli as "Paradox, tourist from Manhattan", karate kicked a few walls, poured a huge glass of ice water down my shirt in the basement at Lit, danced on the couch at The Skinny (usual occurence), made Psycho scuttle away like a cockroach, met my twin music BFF, saw and hung out at Rockstar 1's house and got sick.

I feel like going out tonight although I know I shouldn't. Anyone up for some couch dancing and random barhopping in the rain.

And I cry and no one can hear

I did manage to get to the Courtney Love show at Hiro on Thursday. I didn't land at LGA until 11:25, but managed to rush home, change and make it to 16th and Ninth by 12:30. K, A and L the L had gone inside with D when she got there, and there were a bunch of people in line who couldn't get in. The security guys were really being assholes, but A got me in so I got to see the last half of the show. The high point was screaming along to Northern Star with K, but I wasn't too impressed with the overall show. The new songs are good, but I need to hear them recorded to get a real opinion. I didn't think the band sounded that together, but they looked like they were having fun.
She played some Hole stuff (Miss World, Doll Parts, Celebrity Skin, Northern Star), but I didn't hear anything from America's Sweetheart, which, despite all the bad reviews and no-publicity, is a really good album.

I'm looking forward to the "real" tour and album. The band and Courtney are still warming up (Courtney couldn't remember the lyrics for some songs and had to read them off a piece of paper). Once they tighten up, Courts gets her roar back and eats a little bit more so that power and energy reappears, I will be happy. I still have faith that she can blow us away - it just waned a little.

After the show I went to The Skinny, was drunk got home around 3:30 and went to sleep feeling extremely emo. That's what exhaustion will do for you I guess.