Walking onto that stage was scary. Walking onto any stage is frightening for me. I have never felt comfortable being the center of attention, not while I’m sober anyway. (Drunk is another story, although even then I never sought the eyes of others, just the idea of being more comfortable in the eyes of others.)
I’ve always found it easy to hide beings a pillar, in the shadows, in a book, behind my hair.
But I don’t have any hair anymore. By choice, because I am lucky enough to have that choice. It was an easy choice too, to be honest... I have all this hair that hasn’t ever been dyed, it’s definitely longer than 10 inches, and it’s so stubbornly healthy. Maybe someone else could benefit from this long, thick curtain that always ends up in a boring braid running down my back? Maybe my hair could raise money for charity?
Cesar grabbed my hand and we walked onto the stage together, and my one thought was “let me get this over and done with without anyone noticing”. Hey, I used to be able to make myself invisible, so why not today? No dice. I ended up being singled out, and asked to stand up and show how much hair I was shaving off for charity... And you know what? It wasn’t that bad. This wasn’t about me, it was about the children who have cancer, the children who will get cancer, and the children who have had cancer. It’s about their families and loved ones, about the doctors who fight so hard to help them, and the researchers who constantly work on finding cures. Shaving my hair off was just a small contribution into a huge bucket of contributions.
Apart from a few times in my 20’s I’ve always had long hair. And when it was short it wasn’t really that short, so this is a completely new look for me, and I love it. I have found myself standing taller, and smiling more.
You can still donate via my St Baldrick’s Page right here, and for all of you who have donated, shared, encouraged me, and sent messages I thank you SO much. Without Facebook and Instagram I was worried I wouldn’t be able to reach people, but everyone has been so wonderful with sharing and hustling (Karli, Mum, Charlie, and Cara looking at you specifically), and we’ve done great!
The importance of the event fully hit home when I met one of my close friend’s child’s oncologist at the event. Childhood cancer research is such an important cause, and I’m so happy I was able to do my part in helping a little.
I think I will keep this haircut for a while.
(The event took place at de Vere’s Irish Pub in Sacramento. I was able to donate my hair at the event, which was brilliant. I’m glad it will be going to someone who needs it).