Rants: The Truth about Honesty

How hard is it to tell the truth? Or maybe, to be more exact, how hard is it to be honest with another person? This is all just basic communication. You ask me how I am, I tell the truth (well most of the time). I ask you what you are eating for dinner, you tell the truth. No need to make up some elaborate story about that, right? I ask you what you thought of the last book you read and you tell me the truth. You ask me what I thought of the last episode of Sons of Anarchy and I tell you what I thought. Not that difficult, right?

I haven’t written many rants on here lately… Not because I haven’t had any, or because all of a sudden I became the happiest person in the world without anything to complain about (utopia? Wherever another human being is to be found I am sure I will find something to complain about). I’ve just been busy, a lot of it working, or sitting around watching people interact with each other, mainly in the dark confines of bars way after what would be considered a “normal” bed time. And the recurring theme that seems to have come up, randomly over the past few weeks, with different groups of people (or just one person alone for that matter), is honesty. Or maybe Honesty, with a capital H. Let’s just make it sound important, because for something so simple, it seems to be one of the most difficult things for many people to actually grasp.

I think my main rant is about the fact that wherever it would be just so easy to tell the truth (with a yes/no response), people tend to instead make up some crazy story that is as far from the (easy) truth that can be, and once it has come out of their mouth they can’t retract it anymore. Or are too scared to, and have to continue playing along with the stupid story that they made up until it becomes something so big that they can’t get away from it anymore. But we all know the truth about these types of these situations… They never stay hidden for long, and once the person who has been lied to finds out then any kind of trust is just broken. And once trust is broken, how can you go back to believing the person again. If they can’t tell the truth about one thing, then where is the line drawn between what is real and what is a lie in anything they say?

I get it, it’s sometimes really scary to actually tell someone how you feel (about life, about them, about anything personal), but isn’t it actually then better just to keep your mouth shut if you don’t think you can say the truth? This is coming from someone who has a real hard time talking about anything that is feeling-related because I don’t trust many people not to throw it back in my face. I refuse to lie though. I’ll just say I don’t want to talk about it. I know that’s not much better, but I would much rather someone tell me that than the exact opposite of what they are really thinking. Then again when someone asks me straight out what I think about something, and I feel that they merit a proper response, I will tell the truth. It never even crosses my mind to make up a lie, because what’s the point? So I really don’t get these people who just have to lie.

Just be HONEST. It’ll save everyone involved from a lot of hurt and anger and confusion down the road.

Just a few of the stupid lies and stories I have heard, or heard about over the past couple of weeks:

“Yeah I don’t mind.” (I really do mind and am now going to use this against you later on)

“I like you and am not seeing anyone else.” (I am but I want you to stick around for a while longer so I’ll just lie about it)

“I’m not going to be able to make it because I have stuff to do at home.” (I made better plans with another group of friends but am too scared to hurt your feelings)

“I totally agree with what you are saying!” (I don’t but I am too scared to actually talk about my own thoughts on the subject).

Blah. People. So boringly predictable at times. Why make your life so more difficult by being a hypocrite and a liar when you can just tell the truth and be a genuinely nice person?

Rant over.

Ramblings: People's actions and reactions

I didn't like January at all, and I was beginning to like February, until the last couple of weeks. Then I lost two people I knew, one being my favourite person in the world, my Nana. I will write about her separately, next week, after the funeral, after I have made it back to England and read the piece I wrote for her out loud in front of everyone she knew and loved. I can't write about it on here just yet, she deserves a post all to herself telling everyone how absolutely fabulous she was, and will always remain in everyone's memories.

This week has been extra strange, mainly on the topic of human beings and their interactions with people. Sometimes I really wonder what people are thinking when they live their lives in the way that they feel is normal. Do they think about how their actions and words are going to affect people? I still don't believe that we are born inherently bad or good, but that along the way, as we forge our characters we learn how to become ourselves. Along the way we make choices, and are affected by events that happen in our lives. I know that this is how I became me, so I am assuming it's pretty much the same for everyone. Now this isn't going to become a philosophical essay à la Descartes, just a general observation on the actions and reactions of people that I have noticed these past few weeks. Sometimes I just like to take note of little stories and let them sit there in your (and my) minds. They may not mean anything, but they have made me think...

Over the past few weeks several girls have come into the bar to vent to me about a certain person that they have been hanging out with. Yes, I know I'm a bartender so I have to listen, but I also actually like to listen, and give advice if I can. Especially to girls who are going through some kind of heartbreak or something of the same nature. I just want to mother them and help them through it. Just like my girl (and guy for that matter) friends do for me when I go through something like that. Turns out this person they were venting about is the same person. See, I had clocked this person from the very moment I met him; you know, the type of guy you can have fun with, but who you can't take seriously. But now there are so many of these girls, women, who despite all of their misgivings, took him seriously and are hurt, and come to talk to me about it. So what drives someone to go through life treating other people like this? Yes, you can say that the women are stupid enough to fall for it, but at the same time, why would you even want to go around hurting people like that in the first place? Beats me. I wouldn't have enough energy to even try.

On Tuesday a girl walked into the bar looking for a job. She seemed so sweet and friendly and new to NYC. Turns our she had moved here 6 days ago, so, as always, I felt the need to help and protect her. I knew that they were hiring at the Taqueria next door, so she ended up getting a job there, and also a few new friends and a bar to hang out in (most important things to find when you first move to the city: job+friends+bar). She came in to say hi after her shift last night and told me that all the people she knew had told her to watch out for us and that it was weird that people would randomly like to help someone like that. Um... Really? So you aren't allowed to do random acts of kindness without thinking about what you may get in return now? For me it wasn't even an act of kindness, just helping out. My friend who manages the Taqueria filled an empty position at his restaurant, this girl is not going to starve, and we all found a new friend. That's life. There are still people who do nice things in this world, just because, well because they are nice people.

Last night a friend of mine was hanging out at the bar, and was trying to think of ways to help me fund my trip to England. She got a random call from a guy that she knew from her old job, and got him, and his friend, to come down for a drink, in the hope that they would be good tippers. When they got to the bar she realised it wasn't the person she was thinking of, and they were just awful. That type of person that I do my best to avoid at all costs. Rich, entitled, and looking to score drugs and hot girls (that they will pay for if need be). I wanted to vomit in their Grey Goose vodka Redbulls, especially after they started flirting pathetically with my friend and groping her. Thankfully they weren't watching me pour their drinks and I served them delicious well vodka and flat red bull in the hopes that they would get the fuck out of the bar as soon as possible. Luckily for us all they weren't any women willing to go back to their hotel rooms with them so they left looking for more action in Times Square. Gross. What is it with men (and women for that matter) who think they are entitled to treat everyone else like shit because they think that money buys them superiority? Gross, gross, gross.

Every day I am thankful that I have such good friends, and they are all such good people. I'll definitely have more stories like this over the next few weeks, but I won't be able to post regularly until I get back from England. It's going to be really hectic and a difficult time. We are having a mini happy hour fundraiser at 200 tonight, so if you live in the city come down for a drink. <3

Rant: people and their pets

Last time I checked, having a pet meant that you were responsible enough to look after said pet. Eleven years ago I adopted an abandoned cat who had not yet been weaned and she is still with me to this day. I certainly wasn't responsible enough to even look after myself properly, but I made sure that she was always looked after and happy. She lived with my Mum during the couple of years that I lived in Israel and London, but other than that she has always been with me, and she's always been happy. Good food, clean litter, toys and lots and lots of cuddles.
As much as I want a dog, I know that it just wouldn't be fair to get one just yet, even though I have more time now. I just wouldn't be able to afford a dog right now, as they are so much more high maintenance than a cat. So, I will wait a while until I know I can afford a little jack russell, or pitbull, or bull terrier... I've always wanted a bull terrier with a patch on its eye so I can call it Bullseye, just like Bill Syke's dog in Oliver Twist. So yeah, not yet. Luna doesn't mind dogs, so I'm not worried about having them live together, it's just financially not a good idea right now.

A few months ago some girls moved into the apartment across from mine. They seemed pretty nice, although really young. They have a little dog, something between the size of a chihuahua and a jack russell, It's really cute and affectionate and they seem to look after it, I mean it looks like it is well-fed and loved. However, over the past few weeks I have noticed that whenever it is left alone it howls and barks and cries. And, even worse, it throws itself continuously against their front door, over and over and over again. So much that the whole hallway is filled with the noise of a little dog in despair, and there is nothing I can do about it! It just makes me so sad, because it is obviously lonely and hates to be left alone for long periods of time.

I finally saw one of the girls today and told her what was happening, and she looked at me as if I was insane, laughed, and said "yeah she gets lonely", and then tried to close the door in my face. I tried to tell her that it was a little more than that, but she laughed again and slammed the door.
Really rude.

Just like I said in my last FB status... Some people really don't deserve to have pets. makes me so sad. Now this little dog is going to continue to throw itself at the front door and maybe hurt itself, and there isn't anything I can do to stop it. I know this shouldn't affect me, but i am really sensitive and these type of things make me sad.

At least I know that this little one is happy:

Who reads this?

I would love to know who actually reads this blog on a regular basis... i see a bunch of visitors come in from the same places on a regular basis, and would love to know what you like and don't like, what you would like to read more about, and what you get bored with...
I see someone from Grenoble in France, where I grew up, who reads me regularly, but I don't know if it is someone who knows me or not... Mysterious... ;-)

I started this blog in 2007, when I wrote on a semi-regular basis (mainly after a long stint of drunken nights out), and I feel that it has grown with me over the years. The whole point of this blog was to force myself to write a little each day, as writing is still my favourite pastime, and I always felt I wasn't giving myself the time to do so.

Now that I left my job, I will be writing a lot more, and would love to have some feedback, or know who actually takes the time to read the tings I post. In the end it's all about what I am thinking, what I love, what I hate and what I want others to know, peppered with a sarcastic story here and there.

We all know that other humans actions and thoughts sometimes make for the best stories...

<3

Rotten peaches and houseguests from hell

When you live in NYC you get used to people visiting. You also say that every time a visitor leaves you will never have another one again (except for a few who are always welcome back (Charlotte, Lynn, Bela, Nico). And then you forget and let someone else come. Until you get the real houseguest from hell, and that changes it all...

NYC is a prime tourist location and hotel rooms are expensive. This is why most tourists only come for a few days at a time. Or they sublet apartments/rooms found via Craigslist for a set per-night rate. Or if you are very very lucky you can sleep on a friend's couch for a few nights for free. Most New Yorkers are clear with their guests that apartments are small and if they are visiting they must respect the space. That means, don't make a mess, don't expect your host to figure out every moment of your stay for you and most of all, offer to help out with groceries, maybe throw some money towards a bill or two... I mean always treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. If you are generous enough to let me stay on your couch while I am visiting your city, then I will at least stock up your fridge with things YOU like to eat.

I was kind of dreading this one already and should have just gone with my gut feeling. Hadn't seen this guy for over 10 years, he reconnected via FB and we had a nice email discussion going. Then he got a little strange, maybe too personal, and I just stopped corresponding for a while. We got back in touch again, and he mentioned that he would like to come to NYC for a few days before going back to work work at the beginning of Sept, and asked if I would be able to lend him my couch. I said OK, glanced at the dates (glanced being the main word) and waited for him to get here. My roommate is out of town til the end of the month, and even said he could have her room, which is a major plus point. His own room!

Move forward to the day of arrival... I realised that the dates he had sent me equated to THIRTEEN days. I immediately started to invent different scenarios in my head...
1). Do I have any female friends who will fall madly in love with him and who he can stay with? (No)
2). Can I be the uber bitch from hell so he changes his flight to an earlier return date? (I tried, but felt bad).
3). Maybe he will miss his flight and not make it out of France?
4). Maybe Immigration won't let him in and will send him back to France??

To no avail. Houseguest made it safe and sound.
Turns out he speaks about 2 words of English.
Turns out he assumed I would organise his holiday for him.
Turns out he's an arrogant, narrow-minded guy who tends to think women are not as smart as him.
Turns out he assumed I would translate all conversations I had with my friends so he could understand them.
Turns out he thought it's normal that he could openly judge the life I live and even tell me how I should live it.

He bought some groceries, but only things HE liked. Never once asked me what I would like to eat, and if he offered me something and I said "No thanks", responded with "you don't like ANYTHING". Well you wouldn't say that if you had actually asked what I DID like.
Every time we had a conversation about something he belittled my arguments and wouldn't listen. Thing is, I hate being wrong when I know I'm right, and also have a major problem with arrogance and assholes, so I won't let things slide.
Last night he put Guns n Roses on. I said I hated GnR (not entirely true, but I was more in the mood for Tom Waits). Guess what he did?! PUT IT ON LOUDER.
I can't have people from my youth coming into my life and making me feel like shit. I like myself, I like my life and I am living it the way I feel is right for me.

This morning I cleaned the kitchen and found a rotten peach in the fruit bowl. I asked him if he was planning on eating rotten peaches, and he responded "No, do YOU eat rotten fruit Jade?". I tell you, he nearly got the rotten peach thrown at him, full force. No, I don't eat rotten fruit, I was just cleaning your effing mess up douchebag.

There are other things that I just don't have the space to mention. But I cannot wait to have my whole apartment to myself again.

Thankfully he leaves tonight. He will never be invited back again. NEVER.

If you are a guest in someone's home, please always treat it with respect. And don't forget - you are entering someone else's life, they are not on holiday like you. Please respect that.

Reprimanding a stranger in public?

This has been bothering me since last weekend, but I haven't had a chance to put all of my thoughts into words until now.

I was sitting on the 6 train, going to Grand Central quite early last Saturday morning, desperately trying to memorise my lines for the part I was playing in Miriam's short movie that day. A young girl and her brother were bickering beside me, when all of a sudden their mother (who was sitting across from us) yelled at the them to "shut the FUCK up!!". The young boy ran over to his mum, who shoved him onto the bench while grabbing the smaller infant she had by her side in a pushchair as he had began to cry. She then proceeded to curse at all three children and then check her phone and type something on it.

I know it wasn't only me who was uncomfortable in the train car - there was silence all around and people were trying their hardest to pretend to look elsewhere.
Granted, I know that being a mum is very stressful, especially with 3 kids below the age of 8, but it really didn't sit right with me.

Should I have said something? I mean I would if she had been physically abusing the children in public of course, but this was nothing like that. It just wasn't very nice.

What do you do, just walk away and hope that the mother was just having a bad morning and that the kids really are loved and cherished? Ugh - this is going to continue bothering me for a while.

People annoy me

People annoy me.
They bore me. I feel that I have less and less inclination to listen to annoying peoples' boring stories. My brain just shuts off and starts to dream about imaginary lives away from my own. Beaches and husbands and children and bookshops and coffee house and happiness. Colour and music. Not that endless drone of selfishness that makes me want to scream out loud.

Blablablablablablabla.