Of natural disasters and changes in life... Part 2

I'm going to preface this by saying the following: I am NOT saying that Hurricane Irene was a non-event, or not assuming that a lot of damage occurred and people were hurt. Nobody wants to wish any type of devastation on anyone.

However, Irene was a little bit of a disappointment to a lot of New Yorkers. There we were bracing for a hurricane to hit is full blast, and it didn't really happen. A lot of heavy rain and wind, but that was it really. Maybe the media blew it up, or maybe Mother Nature decided to spare us this time... We will never know, but I do know now, that if we ever have a situation like this again, the city is more than prepared to handle it.
We were all stocked up with food, batteries, candles, water and books, but in the end we didn't really need it. I now have enough ziplock bags with ice cubes to last me a long time!
I have a strange attraction to violent weather, and I know I am not alone in feeling this way. Strong winds resemble what I feel freedom should really feel like... If you get my drift.

And referring to freedom, well, I have done something that I have been threatening to do for years. For the past six years my entire life has revolved around one main centre, and I am leaving this centre, for the unknown. I am doing it in a very abrupt, and maybe not very professional fashion, but after a lot of very long thinking sessions, including conversations with those closest to me, it's the only way. It would be too hard for me to say "NO" if I am confronted with a question about my decision, so I chose the silent way out. All I have to say is that I hope that whoever is left with finishing off anything I started doesn't hate me too much, or at least understand why.

I don't think I need explain my actions any further - but I think that this is the only way I can feel free again - and there is only one reason why I was feeling trapped here. It's a huge change and this is going to make a lot of things different moving forward.

I'm excited and completely terrified.

This song used to describe the way I felt every day - now I am making the change:

Long ago...

Dusk, summer, cool breeze after a hot day. Listening to October Rust by candlelight. Feeling nostalgic but happy, content. Writing a lot, mainly in fountain pen with black ink. I wish I could find all of those pages again. Must search, I am sure they are amongst my stacks of papers somewhere.
I would like to find that me again, dangling myself in a world of dark happiness, drenched in questions... Staying up until dawn, writing, talking, walking, questioning. Where did you go? What happened?

Music and words bring everything back together again.

"You tell yourself it's love, then tear yourself apart" Windows, BRMC

This song...

BRMC - Howl
You try so hard to be cool
You try so hard to not show
I give you nothing to doubt, and you doubt me
I give you all that I have, but you don't see

Now I know that my eyes must close here
Every word seems to feel like you don't care
But I know that you're so confused and afraid
I just want to be one true thing that don't fade
I don't wanna give up tomorrow
I just can't understand why we're going on

You try so hard to be heard
You try so hard to not hurt
I give you nothing to doubt, and you doubt me
I give you all that I have, but you don't see

Now I know that my eyes must close here
Every word seems to feel like you don't care
But I know that you're so confused and afraid
I just want to be one true thing that don't fade
I don't wanna give up tomorrow
I just can't understand why we're going on