A long time ago I promised myself I would one day be a published author, that all of these years of journals and essays and random pieces of paper shoved into folders would become something concrete. In my early 20's I was reading through Plath's journals for my thesis and wondering if one day my own journals would be interesting for others to read. The ramblings of a child coping with parental loss, the teenage laments of unrequited love and dark, dark anger, the conscious escapisms of a well-travelled adult, the queries of a new mother... So many lives interweaving into one, my own. Words on paper are my life, my love, my reality and my dreams. They move constantly through my mind, day and night, often lost into oblivion when I am not able to put them down somewhere for later.
I promised myself I would be a writer. I AM a writer. I write every day. My job is to write content for other people to use, that's what I get paid for. I've always been a writer, from the day I penned my first stories, my first dreams and my first thoughts down. I will be a writer until the day I die, still carrying thousands of unwritten stories and essays around in little compartments in my brain. All the same I have always been reluctant to believe in myself and in my capabilities as a writer, even writing this I kind of cringe and ask myself if I will ever get around to posting this on my blog ever... But I have to.
In a few days time I will be releasing a first collection of essays into the world, a first book out of many. It is something that I have dreamt of doing for many years, but never thought I was actually capable of. This first collection is the easiest one, a written account of my journey into motherhood, starting with the first moment I found out I was pregnant with Luna until a few weeks ago. Finding a cut-off point was necessary, this being a journey without end, because if I hadn't this would all have remained a pipe dream into eternity. This collection is named With Spring Comes Hope, after one of my latest and most favourite blog posts. The title means so much to me, the awakening from a long, long winter, the hope that blossom and green leaves bring along with the warm sun and the longer days. And the idea that despite what is happening in this world today we can still fight to make it a better place.
Over the next month or so I will release another collection, with essays, short stories and poems written at some point during the past 20 years. Many of these pieces of work have never been read by anyone else but me, but I have to let go. Letting go is another step in the direction I am pushing myself into now. After the next one there will be more, and more. Because as I said before, I will always be a writer, and because I have enough written material for thousands of pages, and enough waiting to be written in my hand to multiply that by another thousandfold. Of course I would love people to read everything, but at the same time I am not expecting it either. Doing this is something that I needed to accomplish for myself and, I’m pretty proud of myself for actually doing it!
I know that in self-publishing the most important part (after the writing) is the marketing. I'm terrible at marketing myself, but I'm going to make a bigger effort now... However I have kept my plans for this initial book under wraps as I knew that I just needed to just get it done and prove to myself that I was capable of it. I'm still very nervous about launching these plans into the world, but extremely excited at the same time! In the next few days, as soon as I have done my final proof and hit that “publish” button I will let you know how and where you can obtain the book (Amazon, B&N etc). Thank you for reading, commenting and for the love in general. One word of encouragement goes a long way, and I hope that I always return the encouragement and help.
Coming later this week: With Spring Comes Hope is a journey into motherhood and beyond, a collection of essays spanning over the space of nearly four years, on pregnancy, birth, parenting, motherhood, fears, challenges and that unconditional love that just grows and grows.