I first borrowed this book from the library as a hardcover, and for some reason I struggled to get into it. I tried to renew it but it was waitlisted, and I really wanted to push through my struggle, because I felt like I had to find out what happened in the rest of the story. So I added myself to the waitlist for the ebook version, and once it became available devoured the remaining 300 pages in two days. I’m so happy I listened to myself and read on. This novel is pretty amazing.

Autumn Spencer’s twin sister Summer goes missing from the roof of their Harlem brownstone in the middle of the winter, leaving no traces or clues of what may have happened to her. While still grieving the death of her mother, Autumn sets out on a quest to find her sister, as no one else seems to care enough to really make an effort. During her search Autumn’s life and mental state begin to unravel, and her quest ends up being more about searching for who she really is herself. 

The novel is written in such a way that the reader lives through Autumn and sees through Autumn’s eyes, which is why the first part of the novel is a little disconcerting and confusing, as Autumn really is all over the place. Kalisha Buckhanon brings it altogether perfectly though, and uncovers so many important topics along the way; mental health, childhood trauma, abuse, and the way Black women are devalued and forgotten in our society, but also the importance of surrounding oneself with people who care, a family of friends, of good people. 

The story hit me hard in several places and I was in tears for much of the second half, I knew all too well what Autumn was going through. When you start the book Autumn IS a mess and as a reader I wanted to shake her sometimes, but it’s a mess I understood, and I’m so glad I held onto her and stayed there for the whole ride. 

This is a difficult book to review without adding spoilers, but there are some interesting twists and turns that make for a really good read.